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Koby Altman Sucks -or- Miscellaneous New Year's 2020


Saying someone "sucks" is not a take. - Jim Rome

Dan Gilbert bought the majority stake of the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2005 and promptly fired GM Jim Paxson. When hired, Paxson was tasked with stripping the Cavs down to nothing and then picking the best young players available. People forget that in 2003, there was a legitimate debate between choosing High School Phenom LeBron James versus NCAA Freshman Champion Carmelo Anthony. Paxson chose correctly. Then a year after he chose James, he then added Anderson Varejao before he was terminated.

Dan Gilbert then brought in Danny Ferry as GM and Ferry's teams made the playoffs every single year, including the 2007 NBA Finals. Ferry was then relieved of his duties and Dan Gilbert hired Chris Grant. LeBron James left Cleveland as soon as the ink was dry on Grant's contract and he was left to rebuild a gutted roster. Grant promptly selected Kyrie Irving and Tristan Thompson in his first draft.

Grant was terminated in 2014 and David Griffin became the interim GM. LeBron came back and the Cavs won a championship with Griffin at the helm.

Grant's contract was not renewed in 2017 and Dan Gilbert hired Koby Altman. Late last year, Altman became the first general manager to receive a contract extension in the Dan Gilbert ownership era.

Why did Altman get an extension when no other GM did? Because Altman is a good lackey.

When it was apparent that LeBron and Kyrie wouldn't get along, Altman traded Kyrie too soon and for a package of magical beans. When LeBron left the second time, Altman had made no upgrades to entice him to stay. Altman's deals have all been bad or neutral. Every Cavs GM, even Jim Paxson, can point to one game changing positive moment in their tenure.

Altman has no such moves on his resume. Well, unless you want to count extending Kevin Love's contract. How's that working out for Altman? Since the 2017 NBA Finals, WHICH WAS LESS THAN 3 YEARS AGO, only 3 of the 21 players from that team remains. And Love is probably getting traded this week.

(Side note: Love wants to be traded to the Trailblazers, look for Altman to trade him to someone like the Knicks.)

When you suck at your job, but you get a contract extension, that means your head is straight up your boss' ass.

One of the most intriguing storylines of the NFL's wild card weekend is the Patriots losing to the Titans in Foxboro.

Robert Kraft owns the Patriots. He is going nowhere. He will own the team until he dies and then when he dies, his son Jonathan Kraft will run the team for a few more decades. There is an excellent chance that the Kraft Family will own the Patriots, al least, through the 2050 season.

The Patriots Dynasty can be traced to 2 specific people in the organization, Future Hall-of-Fame Coach Bill Belichick and Future Hall-of-Fame Quarterback Tom Brady. Coach Bill wants to keep coaching and Quarterback Tom wants to keep playing (at age 42).

The problem is, Tom Brady doesn't want to take a hometown discount anymore. Even though he made a ton of money, last year he made less than quarterbacks with no Super Bowl rings, were benched, or were injured for the year. I believe that Quarterback Tom wants a $35-40 million per year contract for 2 years (70-80 mil total). He thinks that Coach Bill surrounded him with crap this year.

Coach Bill thinks that Quarterback Tom has diminishing skills. Tom Brady took less money in order for the Patriots to sign better players around him. If Robert Kraft circumvents Coach Bill's front office structure and gives Brady $40 million a year, Belichick will walk and be re-hired somewhere else in about 3 seconds. If Belichick offers a 1 year, $18 million a year deal, Brady will walk and be signed somewhere else in about 3 seconds.

For Robert Kraft, it's Sophie's Choice.

(Side Note: When you win and you're an asshole, like Bill Belichick, you're a winner.

When you lose and you're an asshole, you're just an asshole.)

Lots of talk of nuking people today. Young Fred would be outwardly freaking out on a day like this. Old Fred, well, he's secretly freaking out, but realizes that the Iranian terrorists would have to get to downtown North Ridgeville, Ohio in order to get him with a small atomic weapon.

Editor's Note: Click on Blast Radius Map to see all the fun ways you can die of radiation poisoning.

Speaking of Downtown North Ridgeville, it looks like a bomb went off there already at the center of town. Mismanaged construction is years behind schedule and the affable mayor rode off into the sunset of retirement as of Jan. 1.

Then, one day later, he came out of retirement to run for County Commissioner.

Do not vote for Dave Gillock in the Lorain County Spring Primaries, apparently scumbagged.com was right.

Song of the New Year so far? Iguana Death Cult's Can of Worms

(Yeah, I know the year's only a week old.)

You should check out their 2017 album 'The First Stirrings of Hideous Insect Life.'

RIP: Newseum

I liked the Newseum website, never went to the physical NEWSpaper musEUM myself. Why did the newspaper museum die? "Competing with free institutions in Washington was difficult.

You mean going to the Smithsonian across the street for free was a better deal than paying $100 for the Newseum?

Editor's Note II: Sarcasm.

Childhood friend Scott Doland's band Dispel:

The vocals are nice and haunting, but Witch House mixed with Gothic Electro just isn't my thing.

The worst team in the NHL? The Detroit Red Wings. After 25 straight playoff runs, they had to bottom out. Still, it hurts. I have faith in Steve Yzerman going forward.

The #3 team in Division I NCAA Hockey today? Minnesota State.

When I was in grad school, it was literally the opposite. My two favorite hockey teams were the Red Wings and the Mavericks. The Red Wings won the Stanley Cup and Minnesota State were an average hockey team, in Division II.

Just a reminder, a whole continent is on fire.

A.

Whole.

Continent.

Wow. There's a lot of swearing in this article. Better slap a Parental Warning sticker on it.

#Miscellaneous

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