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  • Writer's pictureFred

Facebook Inc.

Updated: Feb 20

You remember the good ol' days, way, way back in the year 2010, when you and all your friends jumped on the Facebook Bandwagon? It was fun, it was new, you could play games for free and re-connect with past friends.

But businessmen scoffed "everyone might be there, but how will they make money?"

About 5 years ago we found out the answer, Mark Zuckerberg sold every piece of information that he ever gleaned off of the public.

As Zuck was demonized, people fled the platform in droves, but few people asked what was left behind. Let me tell you, I'm still on Facebook, and it's like an old abandoned virtual mall, with bright shiny new ads.

Post #1: Group Post

My wife is a nurse so I belong to a Dark Nursing Meme page. This was the first things that came up this morning.

Uh, that's really funny. Today Facebook was worth the price of admission.

Post #2 AD

Actually, let's go back to Post 1.

If you look in the upper right corner, 2 ads. So as soon as you crack open Facebook 2 ads, then the second post is an ad. Already, if you've been on Facebook for 30 seconds, 3 ads, 1 meme of content, no human beings. If you close Facebook now, they've already won.

Oh, and by the way, my second post's ad was for a Sponsored Meme Page.

Post #3 Suggested for You

If I have around 200 friends and follow around a 100 pages, do I really need suggestions? Is Facebook helping me out, or is this another ad? (Hint: It's another ad with different verbiage.)

Post #4 Human Being

Wow, a human being. My friend Mike posted a pop song from the 1980's in the middle of the night.

Post #5 Group Post

I follow Fake Sportscenter, it gives you the sports news in tabloid form.

Post #6 Group Post

Another post from the Dark Nursing Meme page.

Post #7 AD

Apparently there's a new movie out called Jesus Revolution.

Facebook wins again, I clicked on the ad, turned it off at the 55 second mark. I will not be watching that movie.

Post #8 Reelz and Short Videos

After being underwhelmed by the content this morning, Facebook was worried that I might go to another platform, like Tik Tok, to watch videos. Little does Facebook know that I don't have Tik Tok.

(Apparently Facebook DOES know this, 4 of the first 5 videos were simply regurgitated content from other platforms.)

Post #9, wait.....

The little red dot in the corner just came up, what's the breaking news...

Terry Pluto just posted an article about the Cavs on

Even though Terry Pluto is a Hall of Fame Writer I decided NOT to click on the article. Mr. Pluto is a gifted and thorough writer, but sometimes too positive for my liking. I didn't read the article because I already know what it says. Paraphrasing "this Cavs team, heading into the playoffs, plays basketball the right way and are fun to watch."

Jaded Fred is pissed that at the Trade Deadline, the Cavs didn't trade Kevin Love. Cavs Honks celebrated Love as too important of a cog to trade, even though he was healthy and sitting on the bench. Love's chemistry was supposedly an asset down the playoff stretch and I bought into that crap. Then the Cavs bought out Love's contract and let him walk away for nothing. Apparently Kevin Love wants to play and doesn't like sitting on the bench.

I guarantee you that Terry Pluto is not taking the Cavs to task for misreading the room regarding one of the team's most beloved players.....

Man, are we off track.

Post #9 Back to the House Icon - Memories

On this date, 6 years ago, I posted a picture on Facebook and Zuckerberg wants me to remember our good times together.

Ironically, at least for this article, here's the picture:

I lamented the fact that I had a homeless doppelganger. I hope that guy turned his life around.

Post #10 Suggested for You

I am not going to the Netherlands.

Post #11 Human Being

My friend's wife posted some photos of some clever stickers she bought.

Post #12 wait....

I just got a short message in Messenger from my Mom. It has been 4 months since I got a message in Messenger from anyone under 40. If I need to talk to my kids, I send a text. If I need to talk to a young co-worker, I send a text. If I have to send something to my Mom, and I'm not constrained by the urgency of time, I use Messenger, the Pony Express of the Internet.

Let's refresh Facebook again-

Post #12 Group Post

Breaking News from the Daily Mail.....

Read the article.....

Not breaking news, simply soccer rumors.

Post #13 Ad

Ad for Google Ads

The 2 ads in the upper right hand corner refreshed for a third time

Post #14 Suggested for You

Post #15 Group Post-

Alright, alright, we're done tracking posts for now.

When people talk about the "algorithm," they think of some computer running advanced calculus equations. In reality, Mark Zuckerberg ain't that smart. Let's turn our first 15 posts into math.

6/15 Ads or Suggested for You

Simply math: 40% of content is driven by money.

5/15 Group Posts

Simple math: 33% of content is from the groups of your choosing.

2/15 Friend Posts

Simple math: 13% of content is "Old Facebook." Facebook figured out how to make money by de-emphasizing what Facebook did best.

1/15 Memories

Simple math: 7% of content is recycling old content. Facebook is reminding you of all the good times you used to have together. You can't leave Facebook, look at all these old pictures and posts. This is now the scrapbook section. Why aren't young people on Facebook? Because young people live in the NOW, old people live in the past.

1/15 Reelz

Simple math: 7% of content is short videos, usually 10-30 seconds long.

Now if Mark Zuckerberg was sitting on the couch across from me, he would vehemently deny my simple premise, he would argue that I wasn't using Facebook right. He would mansplain that there's more to Facebook than just posts and short videos. There's a friends section where you can constantly find more friends, a long-form video section, and a news section. I didn't even analyze the commercial ratios of those sections of Facebook, where the ad ratios are much lower.

I would then respond that maybe a better analogy for Facebook would be that it isn't an abandoned mall, it's more like a digital newspaper.

"Hey Mark, how are newspapers doing?" US Newspapers are Dying at a Rate of 2 Per Week

And since I am having an imaginary conversation with Mr. Zuckerburg, this is the part where Zombie Charles Schultz breaks his hand through the floor and drags Mark into the fiery pits of hell for the Peanuts Meme.


And then there's this:

Editor's Note: 3 years ago, I saw a video of a tiger dragging a newborn deer into the woods to eat it. Miraculously, the tiger raised the deer as its own.

Then, after the video went viral, you found out that the video was actually 2 separate videos spliced together. In the first part, the tiger later ate the deer. In the second part, the tiger later ate a different deer. But the video gave the illusion of a happy tiger/deer family.

That video sums up Facebook in a nutshell.

And it's back in my Feed again.


Which reminds me, 4 years ago I said in order for Facebook to keep growing, they were going to have to start having giveaways and contests, not unlike McDonald's.

You know why Mark Zuckerberg is a "genius" and I'm a loser? Because Zuckerberg came up with a better idea.


Editor's Note II: I think it's hilarious that some hacker tagged Mark Zuckerberg on some porn and then hijacked the algorithm. This is a non-graphic screen shot. This poor girl got "stuck" under her bed. Things go sideways for her real, real quick.

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