While doing some research for a separate TopTenz article, I came across a medical journal citation and thought to myself “if I wanted to read medical journals, I would have gone to med school.” And with that, a tiny little cartoon lightbulb went on above my head.
After scrolling through dozens of similar articles, I flashed back to my youth and recalled that Matt Groening once famously said “the bitterest person in the world is the Graduate School Dropout,” and with that apt description of myself, I give you the Top 10 Professional Journals I Ain’t Readin’.
10. Journal of Web Librarianship
Yeah, isn’t web librarianship basically just Google?
A newer journal, started in 2007, it is published 4 times a year. Not to be confused with the Journal of Academic Librarianship, Journal of Librarianship and Information Science, or even the Journal of Librarianship and Scholarly Communication, this journal didn’t particularly stump me with its verbiage, it confused me with its existence.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: This article was actually the MOST read article on the site: Why Aren't E-Books Gaining More Ground in Academic Libraries? E-Book Use and Perceptions: A Review of Published Literature and Research by Robert Slater. Found in Volume 4, Issue 4, 2010, isn’t it an ironic question, why aren’t e-books gaining more ground in academic libraries in a printed journal?
9. Journal of Mammary Gland Biology and Neoplasia
I thought I wanted to read about Mammary Gland Biology, until I read up on the definition of Neoplasia. Once I understood that Neoplasia is the formation or presence of new, abnormal growth tissue, that was the end of my curiosity.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: There were so many words and abbreviations in the abstract that I didn’t know, I actually double checked to verify the article was in English: Inflammatory Mediators in Mastitis and Lactation Insufficiency by Ingman, Glynn, and Hutchinson. Found in Volume 19, Issue 2, July 2014.
8. Journal of Colloid and Interface Science
Don’t know what a colloid is, don’t know what interface science is, don’t know how putting the 2 of them put together differs from each one apart. The journal emphasizes fundamental scientific innovation in one of these categories: Colloidal Materials and Nanomaterials, Surfactants and Soft Matter, Adsorption, Catalysis and Electrochemistry, Interfacial Processes, Capillarity and Wetting, Biomaterials and Nanomedicine, or Novel Phenomena and Techniques. About half of the words that were just typed weren’t in my vocabulary.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: Again, attempted to read the abstract for Formation and Properties of Nanostructured Colloidal Manganese Oxide Particles Obtained Through the Thermally Controlled Transformation of Manganese Carbonate Precursor Phase by Škapin, Ƈadeź, Suvorov, and Sondi, but then my brain broke. This article can be translated in Volume 457, November 2015 or purchased online in PDF form for the low price of $41.95.
7. Journal of Labelled Compounds and Radiopharmaceuticals
Established in 1965, somehow there are enough articles for 14 issues a year. As I struggled with the definition of radiopharmaceuticals, I did understand enough to know the journal was published on behalf of the International Isotope Society. Feeling emboldened by knowing the meaning of 3 consecutive words, I headed over to the website.
Article(s) I definitely ain’t readin’: Okay that was a mistake. In order to drive traffic to the site, Volume 58, Issue 1 of 2015 was the free sample issue. Two of my choices were: Synthesis and in vivo Evaluation of Gallium-68-Labeled Glycine and Hippurate Conjugates for Positron Emission Tomography Renography or Synthesis of a [₁₄C]-Steroid Intermediate: An Application of Nonstabilzed Horner-Wadsworth-Emmons Olefination Approach.
6. Journal of Irrigation and Drainage Engineering
Published by the American Society of Civil Engineers, how many articles, really, can you write about digging ditches?
Seriously, scrolling through article after article, almost every single citation either had the word irrigation, field, or water in the title. Showing that I’m probably the jerk here, I did find some relatively cool water runoff pictures on Facebook under Irrigation and Drainage Engineering, but I’m unclear whether it is associated with Editor-in-Chief William F Ritter, or if it’s simply a fan page.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: Moving over to the Most Cited section of the ASCE site, apparently the number one article is Satellite-Based Energy Balance for Mapping Evapotranspiration with Internalized Calibration (METRIC)-Model by Allen, Tasumi, and Trezza which is can’t miss reading for Civil Engineers.
5. Journal of Public Administration Research and Theory
The official journal of the Public Management Research Association, and a leading journal in the field of Public Administration, this Oxford Journal’s purpose is to serve as a bridge between public administration and public management scholarship on the one hand and public policy studies on the other. That seems like a bunch of fancy words crammed together which basically means public service research.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: Contextual Changes and Environmental Policy Implementation: A Longitudinal Study of Street-Level Bureaucrats in Guangzhou, China by Zhan, Lo, Tang in Volume 4, Issue 4, October 2014. The city of Guangzhou has a population of over 25 million in the metro area alone, but isn’t the objective of the Chinese government to oppress the masses as opposed to constructing public policies to serve the masses?
4. Journal of Investigative Dermatology
How many ways can you say: “It’s a rash.” Another interesting tidbit, the Journal of Investigative Dermatology is now the #1 journal in Dermatology.
Published since 1938 (!), I decided to go back to February 1938 and scope out some of the free articles from nearly 80 years ago. With such simple titles as The Nipple Test, Skin Reactions, and Further Investigations of Poison Ivy Hypersensitiveness in Guinea Pigs, I was unclear whether science had advanced that much in that timespan, or if science has just become that ultra-specialized.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: Even though it too is advertised as FREE, not investigating Elastin Modification by 4-Hydroxyonenal in Hairless Mice Exposed to UV-A. Role in Photoaging and Actinic Elastosis by Larroque-Cardoso (and 12 others) which was published online April 9, 2015.
3. Journal of Organometallic Chemistry
Let’s be clear here, that doesn’t say organic chemistry. That says organometallic chemistry. The difference being organometallic chemistry combines both inorganic chemistry and organic chemistry by delineating that the chemical compound must contain at least one bond between a carbon atom of an organic compound and a metal. Whew.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: Facilitating Triplet Energy-Transfer in Polymetallayne-Based Phosphorescent Polymers with Iridium (III) Units and the Great Potential in Achieving High Electroluminescent Performances by Sheldon Cooper in Volume 794.
2. Journal of Quantitative Spectroscopy and Radiative Transfer
No idea whatsoever what the heck this journal is about, then I looked up the subject areas suitable for publication: (1) Spectra of atoms, molecules: theoretical and experimental aspects; (2) Spectral lineshape studies including models and computational algorithms; (3) Spectroscopy of the terrestrial, planetary, and other atmospheres; (4) Electromagnetic scattering by….. okay science, I give up.
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: The High-Resolution Infrared Spectrum of Fully Deuterated Diacetylene Below 1000 cm₋₁ by Bizzocchi, Tamassia, Esposti, Dore, Villa, and Cané. I was good up to the word deuterated, and then the whole thing came off the rails. PDF is only $35.95 from Volume 165, November 2015.
1. Journal of Knowledge Management, Economics and Information Technology
A generation ago, information was primarily measured in kilobytes. As every computer manufactured made the previous one obsolete, the consumer began to become savvier about megabytes, then gigabytes, now terabyte technology. In order to research the magnitude of such data, the Journal of Knowledge Management, Economics and Information Technology was created in 2011.
Before I give you any more information about this journal, let me turn the tables a bit. When you call down to the basement of your multinational corporation to talk to tech support, do you think they’re reading this, or do you think they’re playing Minecraft and spilling Crystal Pepsi all over their keyboards?
Article I definitely ain’t readin’: The Exercise of Prediction Process of Performance within Football Sports Management by Using Fuzzy Logic from the Perspective of Value Analysis on Tactical Compartments of Game of the Football Players. Found in the April 15, 2015 issue, I thought that there was actually potential for this article, until I read the abstract and realized that football meant soccer. Sports Management meant level 3 soccer in Romania. And Value Analysis meant data entry and algorithms.
Author: Fred Hunt basking in his own stupidity. (Originally written and rejected for TopTenz Summer of 2015)