I enjoy reading about rock bands on Loudwire. When I went to read about the Top 50 Rockers Who've Been in Multiple Successful Bands, I anticipated a well-deserved reprieve from reality.
Instead I almost had an aneurysm.
1. Dave Grohl - Okay, Grohl's greatness encompasses time and space.
2. Nikki Sixx - Um, no. Sixx was great in Motley Crue. Sixx AM simply exists.
3. Slash - Okay.
4. Chris Cornell - His death killed 3 great bands.
5. Scott Weiland - Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver? Yes. Scott Weiland and the....who? The Wildabouts? No.
6. Cory Taylor - Slipknot, yes. Stone Sour, no. Stone Sour have Grammy Nominations is your argument? So does Barry Manilow.
7. Daron Malakian - System of a Down, yes. That other band? No.
8. Myles Kennedy - Zero "successful" bands. ZERO.
9. Sammy Hagar - I like Sammy Hagar, Van Halen absolutely. Chickfoot and The Circle? No.
I need to take a break here. Because Loudwire seems to think that because a band exists it is successful. Below is Scott Weiland and the Wildabouts covering STP's classic Vasoline. Watch it and then try to argue that Wildabouts were anything but a cover band.
10. Alice Cooper - Alice Cooper, the band, yes. Hollywood Vampires? Are you kidding me? No.
11. Matt Sorum - See Slash.
12. Mikkey Dee - Yes he was with King Diamond. Yes he was with Motorhead. Yes he was with the Scorpions. Yeah, I guess technically Mikkey Dee fits.
13. Maynard James Keenan - See, when I clicked on the article, Maynard James Keenan was one of the first people I thought of. He was a driving force in Tool, Perfect Circle, and Puscifer. All great, (or at least very good) bands.
14. David Coverdale - Begrudgingly, yes.
15. Mikael Akerfeldt - Alright, fair enough.
16. Ronnie James Dio - Yes. Even death can't slow down Dio.
Stereogum's Review of the Dio Hologram Tour
17. Scott Ian - Anthrax, absolutely. The Damned Things? I wouldn't call the Damned Things successful. Again, unless you mean successful in that they exist.
(But if you said Anthrax and... Stormtroopers of Death. I would say ABSOLUTELY.)
18. DJ Ashba - Just because you had a cup of coffee with Guns 'N' Roses on the never ending Chinese Democracy Tour, doesn't mean you get a place on the list. Sixx AM? See Nikki Sixx.
19. Matt Cameron - Yes.
20. Joe Perry - No. Hollywood Vampires doesn't count.
21. Mark Tremonti - Creed, yeah, I guess. Alter Bridge? No. Tremonti? Triple NO.
22. Eric Clapton - Heck yeah. Just like MJK, he was one of the first people I thought of in this category.
23. Zakk Wylde - Yes. Black Label Society and Ozzy Osbourne. (Zakk Sabbath? No.)
24. Gary Holt - Exodus? Yes. Slayer? Now here's the argument. Part of Slayer died with Jeff Hanneman. Gary Holt was basically a good soldier as Slayer finished out their run. To my knowledge, Holt wrote nothing for Slayer. Should he get credit here for being a part of Slayer? Well, now we're splitting hairs.
25. Joan Jett - Yes.
26. Chad Grey - Yes.
27. Geezer Butler - Now wait a minute. Black Sabbath, of course. But Ozzy Osbourne? Butler played on Osbourne live albums, and co-wrote one song on Ozzmosis, but I wouldn't consider him part of the Ozzy Osbourne band like Randy Rhoads. Oh, and definitely not Deadline Ritual. (Deadland Ritual, you say? You just proved my point.)
28. Ronnie Radke - Yes. (Just a side note, Ronnie Radke is living the Rock Star Life when society does not approve of people living the Rock Star Life.)
29. Jack White - Yes.
30. Tom Morello - Yes.
31. Josh Homme - Yes.
32. Duff McKagan - Guns 'N' Roses & Velvet Revolver? Yes. Loaded. Uh, no.
33. Layne Staley - Alice in Chains? Yes. Mad Season? No, I don't think of Mad Season as successful.
(Yeah, all of you junkies who liked the song River of Deceit can save your hate mail.)
34. Vinnie Paul - Yes.
35. Caleb Shomo - Man, if you put Caleb Shomo on the list, you really have to expand your definition of successful.
36. Ozzy Osbourne - Black Sabbath & Ozzy Osbourne, that's fair.
37. Jimmy Page - I think it's strange that the Yardbirds have technically existed for much longer than Led Zeppelin.
38. Vivian Campbell - I forgot about him in Dio, and had no idea that he's been in Def Leppard for 27 (?!?!?) years. Wow. I learned something new today. That's what you get for being in a band that's sucked since 1987.
Editor's Note: That bum in Def Leppard co-wrote one of the greatest songs in Metal, Dio's The Last in Line.
39. Dave Mustaine - Yes.
40. Keith Buckley - Every Time I Die? Yes. The Damned Things? No.
41. Phil Anselmo - I'm too afraid to say anything bad about Anselmo.
42. Andy Hurley - Part of the reason this list is so wrong is because of 2 bands. The Damned Things and Hollywood Vampires.
43. Mark Hoppus - Blink 182? Yes. +44? No. Simple Creatures? Unequivocally no.
44. Damon Albarn - Yes.
45. King Diamond - Yes.
46. Richie Blackmore - Alright.
47. Travis Barker- Blink 182? Yes. +44? No. Boxcar Racer? Oh, no. Transplants? Same argument as Mad Season. One good song doesn't make you a successful band. It makes you a one-hit wonder.
Wait, wait, Travis Barker and the Aquabats? Still no.
48. Max Cavalera - Sepultura & Soulfly? Yes. Killer Be Killed & Nailbomb? No.
49. Billie Joe Armstrong - Green Day? Yes. The Long Shot? No.
50. Davey Havok - AFI? Yes. Everything else? No.
Who would I have put on the list that Loudwire missed? I'm glad you asked.
Mick Jones - The Clash & Big Audio Dynamite II.
Say you're a BAD II hater. Mick Jones is also the live guitarist for the Gorillaz. It's hard to make cartoons play real instruments in a live setting.
Tony Campos - Tony Campos reminds me of (sometimes) Beacon of Speech contributor Joe K. So in my delusional mind if I didn't put Campos on the list, I'm angering Joe. Campos was a founding member of Static X. He also did 4 different stints in the seminal industrial band Ministry.
Right now Campos is touring with Static X. Isn't Wayne Static dead you ask? He sure is. Static X has reformed with all original members and a mystery lead singer. Why don't we know the identity of the new singer? Because he's wearing what appears to be a skin mask and a Wayne Static Wig. I'm still sorting out how I feel about the entire situation because they sound really good.
Jack Irons - In the Rock Hall as one of the founding Red Hot Chili Peppers. With Pearl Jam in their heyday for about a decade.
Dimebag Darrell - Of course Pantera, but he was also in Damageplan. If your argument is that Damageplan wasn't "successful" before Darrell was assassinated, I would argue that DD was the "sixth member" of Anthrax during the John Bush years while the band sorted through the departure of Dan Spitz.
The insane guitar solo near the end of Inside Out is Darrell.
George Clinton - Parliament, Funkadelic, & Parliament-Funkadelic.
Paz Lenchatin - Original bassist in A Perfect Circle and current bassist in the Pixies.
Henry Rollins - The Rollins Band and Blag Flag. (You know what, I'm going to hedge here. I'm not sure people think of either Black Flag or the Rollins Band as successful. I think of Henry Rollins as a successful author who's famous for being in Black Flag after the fact.)
Omar Rodriguez-Lopez & Cedric Bixler-Zavala - At The Drive-In & Mars Volta
Chester Bennington - Linkin Park & Stone Temple Pilots. Bennington was the lead singer of STP when Weiland died.
Chris Vrenna - Intricate to the histories of Nine Inch Nails & Marilyn Manson.
Dave Navarro - Intricate to the histories of Jane's Addiction & Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Guest on multiple great songs.
Lead Guitar on this tremendous this Nine Inch Nails song? Dave Navarro.
Lead Guitar on Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know? Dave Navarro.
Lead Guitar on Guns 'N' Roses' End of Days? Dave Navarro.
Mike Bordin - Faith No More & Ozzy Osbourne (for nearly 15 years!?!).
Noel Gallagher - Oasis & Noel Gallagher's Flying Birds (15 UK charting singles for the Flying Birds!?!).
Johnny Lydon - Sex Pistols & PiL (14 UK charting singles for Pil!?!)
Steve Howe & Geoff Downes - Yes & Asia.
Johnny Marr - The Smiths & Modest Mouse.
Robert Trujillo - Suicidal Tendencies & Metallica.
Eric Burdon - War & The Animals.
Bruce Hornsby - Bruce Hornsby and the Range & Grateful Dead.
(Basically all of the Traveling Wilburys, except Bob Dylan.)