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Choose Your Own Adventure: Russian Soldier Edition

You were born in the year 2000 on the edge of Moscow in the City of Podolsk. It has been 11 years since the Fall of the Berlin Wall. Your birth coincides with Vladimir Putin's first year of his first term as Russian leader. You have only heard horror stories of previous Russian leaders from distant, elderly relatives.

Now you're 22 years old, a proud Russian Male, smart enough to stay away from the Russian Mob, not quite bright enough to go to the local University. Your parents are not well connected socially.

At the beginning of 2022, you had a positive view of the Russian Military.


Page 1

In February of 2022, you are casually watching the Beijing Olympics and working at a local factory. There is a buzz about town that the Russian Military is activity seeking recruits. You do not have a specific skill set that the Russian Military would seek.

You join the Russian Military in February: Turn to Page 2

You DO NOT join the Russian Military in February: Turn to Page 3


Page 2

You are welcomed into the Russian Military with open arms. You are given a short 2 week basic training regimen and sent off to the Ukrainian border for a "Special Military Operation." Rumors persist amongst your peers that you are going to invade Ukraine. Your superiors, on the record, only inform you that you are going to be doing large scale military drills.

When Russia invades Ukraine, troops pour in from Belarus in the north and Russia in the east. You are part of the second wave occupation force in Southern Ukraine. Despite high spirits the first week, the realities of war quickly settle in and you are killed by a member of the Ukrainian Army within one month.

Ending: You're Dead


Page 3

You are glad you didn't join the Russian Military. A few of your friends joined, one was killed and others have sent letters describing the horrors of war on Ukrainian soil. You believe that "someone has to keep the factories open."

You think Ukraine is a Part of Russia: Turn to Page 4

You think Ukraine is an Independent Country: Turn to Page 6


Page 4

You've hated everyone that you've ever known from Ukraine and don't understand why the Ukrainians are such an ungrateful lot. As time passes, Putin starts calling up conscripts and installs a draft. You've never known Putin to steer the country wrong, but you have deep lingering doubts....

You begrudgingly join the Russian Military: Turn to Page 5

You want to get the hell out of Dodge: Turn to Page 8


Page 5

You are shipped off to the Western Front with no training, little ammo, and little armor. You witness the plagues of war firsthand. You have to make a decision about your time in the army as bullets zing past your head in the heat of battle.

You are a man and fight: Turn to Page 9

You are a coward and flee: Turn to Page 10


Page 6

Yeah, you're adamant that you're not going to go to Ukraine. You don't have anything against Ukraine, Ukraine isn't your problem.

You just keep going to work: Turn to Page 7

NOW you decide to get the hell out of Dodge: Turn to Page 8


Page 7

Your boss comes up to you at work, "hey, weren't you conscripted?"

"Whaaaaat? I didn't get anything in the mail?"

Ending: You Disappear.


Page 8

Where to go, where to go? Your friends are dying in the War of Ukraine, while other friends are disappearing. You are starting to feel like maybe the West didn't lie. Maybe the satire in the movie Death of Stalin was accurate.

Time to head to Poland: Turn to Page 11

Time to head to Kazakhstan: Turn to Page 12

Time to head to Georgia: Turn to Page 13

Time to sneak into Ukraine: Turn to Page 14


Page 9

Your comrade shoots himself in the leg to avoid continuing on in the occupation force. You fight! History remembers you as a member of a sadistic, invading horde.

Ending: You're Dead.


Page 10

You retreat!

Surprise, there's a second line of Russian soldiers stationed to execute deserters.

Ending: You're Dead


Page 11

You are greeted at the Russian Border by Russian Soldiers.. "You're not trying to head to Poland are you?"

"Whaaaaat? What is this place called Poland that you speak of?"

Ending: You Disappear.


Page 12

What's that smell?


Ending: Your life is going to suck for the next 20 years. Basically until Putin's Successor's Successor is out of power and lets war fugitives back into Russia.


Page 13

You are greeted by Georgian Soldiers at the border who are not sympathetic to the Russian Cause.

Ending: You're Dead


Page 14

Under the cover of darkness, you sneak across the Ukrainian border and try to burn any evidence that you are a Russian. From now on, you are Ukrainian.

After weeks of living the life of a vagabond, you get a job as a mechanic near the war zone. Your Ukrainian Employer suspects you may be a Russian, but there's a dearth of private citizens available and willing to work on his vehicles. The employer turns a blind eye to your situation because you are a good worker.

One day, you realize that this is probably your long-term future. You chose life over death and are content that your work will be used in the trades instead of in war. You take a short walk across the lot of your apartment complex. You gaze across the neighborhood and are thankful for a second chance. Ukraine really isn't all that different than Russia.

Suddenly, there's a flash of light and a mushroom shaped cloud on the horizon. You are engulfed by heat and the very last image your brain processes is skin melting off your bone as you try to shield your eyes.

Ending: You're Dead

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