Qatar's Bold Proclamation

This is a direct translation from the Emir of Qatar, Tamim bin Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani:

"Now that the Epstein Files have been released in the United States, it is obvious that the Democrats are guilty and the Republicans hide their guilt. As the American Media spins the corruption of its leaders based on partisan politics, it is clear that the Home of Free Speech now rests at the feet of Al Jazeera.

For years, Al Jazeera has been fearless in both their pursuit of truth and in being the voice for the voiceless. With a mission statement of informing and empowering people with accurate, in-depth and compelling content, their reporting upholds the values of truth and elevates the human spirit.

With that said, our 400,000 naturalized residents want to welcome its 3 million expatriates currently residing on Qatar's Soil as Qatari Citizens. We want to be the Home of Controlled Immigration. By easing citizenship requires, Qatar hopes to slowly harness the power of the Muslim people.

The Northeast Corridor of the United States between Connecticut and Rhode Island houses around 5 million residents, that land mass is about the same size as Qatar. We could easily accommodate another 2 million citizens, we only ask that you love Allah and work hard to make Qatar the best nation in the world. We are going to start actively recruiting to grow Qatar.

Besides streamlining our unwieldy immigration process, we want to partner with Saudi Arabia to become the Home of Islam. We want to create, along with our brothers in the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, a high speed railway that would connect our three countries to existing railways in Saudi Arabia, including the Haramain High Speed Railway.

We love our brothers in Saudi Arabia, we want to help make the hajj available to all peace-loving Muslims from, both our countries, and from around the world, by creating multiple access points and accessibility to Mecca.

Surah Al-Baqarah (2:125):

• "And We made this House (Ka'bah) a resort for mankind and a place of security, [We commanded]: 'Take the station of Abraham as a place of prayer.' And We charged Abraham and Ishmael, 'Purify My House for those who circumambulate it, and those who are staying [there] for worship, and those who bow and prostrate.'"

And, after qualifying for a second consecutive World Cup, Qatar is uniquely positioned to be the

Home of Soccer. Coupled with Saudi Arabia's 2034 World Cup, the Arabian Peninsula will be alive with the sounds and spirit of the World's Game.

With that being said, we announce funding equality in Qatar. The Men's Team and the Women's Team will both be paid the same. Young Qatari girls and young Qatari boys will have equal opportunities and access to soccer, both on the field and in the stands, where all will be welcome."

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Of course this entire article is satire.

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks.

(Yes, we know Saudi Arabia and Qatar hate each other, at one point, Saudi Arabia was going to build a canal between the 2 countries. The proposed body of water, not unlike a moat, even had a name, the Salwa Canal.)

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Why do we pick on Qatar? Because of the deaths of 6,500 slave laborers.