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  • Writer's pictureFred

Why the NBA Sucks

Updated: Jul 1, 2022

Just today, for the thousandth time, Fake SportsCenter weighed in regarding the LeBron vs. Jordan argument.

Audience of the Super Bowl 2022: 208 Million

Average Audience of a World Series Game 2021: 12 Million

Average Audience of an NBA Finals Game 2022: 12 Million

Average Audience of a Stanley Cup Finals Game 2021: 6 Million (America and Canada combined.)

Audience of MLS Cup 2021: 1.1 Million

(Audience of Champions League Final in USA 2022: 2.7 Million)

Audience of WWE Smackdown on Fridays? 2 Million

You may say that the NBA is better than ever. Who would have ever thought, just a generation ago, that the NBA would arguably be the second most popular sport in America. But here's the ruse, the NBA sells basketball AND drama.

You ever go on the magical internet and see shitposting about Gretzky v Lemieux or Trout vs Williams? No, you don't, because most sports actually market their product instead of the sideshow. (In the NFL, other than Tom Brady, football is the most popular game in town because they market the Shield.)


Don't believe me? Also today, Homeless Delonte West Says He's "In-Between Jobs" - Daily Mail

Delonte made $16 million in his 9 year NBA career including 3 years of tabloid fodder as LeBron's teammate.


Last year, we here at Beacon of Speech accused Naomi Osaka of marketing her career just like LeBron James. Then finally today: Naomi Osaka and LeBron James Launch New Media Company Together.


Don't take my word as gospel, have YOU read any stories touting the teamwork of Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Andrew Wiggins? No, because that has to do with basketball. Since the season ended, I've heard barely a peep about the World Champion Golden State Warriors' skills on the court.

What generates clicks?

  • Kyrie Irving vs. Stephan A. Smith - You know Irving is a horse's rear if he can make Stephan A look like a sympathetic character.

  • Kyrie Irving vs. the New Jersey Nets - After playing footsie with the Los Angeles Lakers, Irving opted in for $36 million. Of course he did. (No one wanted to trade assets for Irving. The Nets weren't going to take Westbrook, who looks like a wagon with wobbly wheels, or anyone else's overpriced garbage.

  • Kyrie Irving vs. LeBron - Oh no, that's OLD news. Now they're best buds.

  • Kyrie Irving vs. Kevin Durant - After all of the Kyrie Irving drama finally ended, Kevin Duran said "please trade me."

  • James Harden Opts Out - Where's he going to go? No one is taking him for $40 million+ a year. Maybe Daryl Morey is going to sign him to a long term deal? Maybe? But why? Does Morey think it's 2018?

  • Russell Westbrook Opts In - I used to like Russell Westbrook until he turned into Baron Davis.

  • Ben Simmons - The Nets are stuck with him and his phantom injuries.

  • Under the radar, the Cleveland Cavaliers have built a nice little team. What's that faint echo I hear in the background? Why Second Return to Cleveland Makes Sense for Lakers' Star.


Addendum, 2 Hours Later: Supposedly over half the teams in the NBA have called the Nets in regards to trading for Kevin Durant. If the Cavs trade for him and win the NBA Championship, LeBron and KD would have the same amount of Cleveland Titles.

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