• Fred

Robert Kraft: Massage Parlor Connoisseur


This past weekend, the owner of the New England Patriots, Robert Kraft, said this after Tom Brady left New England "This is not the way I wanted it to end, but in life, people need to be free to realize what's important to them. I respect him so much. It was a sad, loving discussion."

That was corporate spin at its finest. Here's what happened in New England: 3 rich assholes made business decisions, then tried to blame the other 2 assholes so they wouldn't look bad. No exceptions, all 3.

The Owner: The owner trusts the manager in charge, Bill Belichick, to make football decisions. Robert Kraft is the Good Cop, Belichick is the Bad Cop. That's what Kraft pays Belichick to do, make the unpopular decisions.

Robert Kraft is selling that he really wanted to keep Tom Brady around, but mean ol' Bill said that Father Time is Undefeated, so Brady had to go. And, if Brady really was a loyal Patriot, he would have taken less money to stay a Patriot. He's already made $200 million in his life. He could have walked away from football and retired a rich, rich man instead of going to another team. Kraft resents that he had to make an unpopular decision in Belichick v Brady.

He wants you to believe that the only true Patriot is Robert Kraft.

The Manager: The manager shows loyalty to no one. Nothing personal, just the business of football.

He sells you the mantra of: If I didn't win every year, you know what would happen to me? I would be fired. Replaced by mean ol' Robert who demands results (winning) while putting on a public persona of just a friendly guy selling you razor blades. Mr. Kraft didn't become a billionaire without expecting results. And I don't want to hear about how great Tom Brady is, without me, Tom Brady's career arc would have been the same as Marc Bulger's.

He wants you to believe that the only true Patriot is Bill Belichick.

The Employee: The clock is ticking on the employee. In football, the quarterback of the Patriots blew by his expiration date about 7 years ago.

He is selling you a different mantra: People say I'm too old? I just took the Patriots to the Super Bowl 2 years ago and took a pile of scrubs to the playoffs last year. What people don't realize is that the second oldest coach in the NFL is Bill Belichick and, look at him, he doesn't take that great of care of himself. If anyone has diminishing skills, it's Coach Bill. Instead of forcing me out the door, Robert Kraft should be escorting Bill Belichick out the door. He's 66. Robert Kraft claimed to love me like a son, well he flat out chose the coach over the player.

I am going to make over triple what I was offered to stay in New England to continue to play. Let me ask you, the faithful fan: What if someone else offered you $60 an hour instead of $20 an hour to do a job that you've been doing for 20 years? You'd f%ckin' leave, that's what you'd do.

And he's telling you all of this from his vacation in Costa Rica with his supermodel wife in tow while you're locked in your basement in quarantine with your thoughts and your XBox.

He wants you to believe that the only true Patriot is Tom Brady.

Wait, Tom has more to say.....

p.s. And you, Bill Belichick, you convinced me to take less money to stay in New England, then you tried to trade me to San Francisco in 2017. I should break my foot off in your ass.

Who am I kidding?

Bill Belichick is the biggest asshole of the three by a country mile. How can I make such an outrageous claim? Because he was an asshole here in Cleveland long before he won crap.


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