50 Songs for 50 States

Some smart-ass sent me Rolling Stone's 50 Songs for 50 States List over America's 250th Birthday weekend. The sender KNEW that Rolling Stone lists drive me crazy.

So this is the game I would play using Rolling Stone's List as a template: I would scroll down the page and when each state came up on the screen, I would blurt out the song associated with said state. 46 out of 50 times, I either had a different answer than Rolling Stone, or no answer at all (sorry Delaware). I challenge the reader to do the same thing in this grudge match between Beacon of Speech and Rolling Stone.

ALABAMA:

Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Rolling Stone: Let There Be Rock by the Drive-By Truckers.

I mean, right from the start, what are we doing here?

ALASKA:

North to Alaska by Johnny Horton

Rolling Stone: Alaska by Maggie Rogers

North to Alaska was a number 1 hit for Johnny Horton in 1960. Not only a number 1 hit, but was was featured in the movie of the same name, one of the Top 20 highest grossing movies of that year.

ARIZONA:

By the Time I Get to Arizona by Public Enemy

Rolling Stone: Take It Easy by the Eagles

Chuck D was more on point about the state, while the Eagles were more about a state of mind.

ARKANSAS:

I got nothing.

Tried to cheat and read through the list at the Fayetteville Flyer, still nothing.

Rolling Stone: Daddy Sang Bass by Johnny Cash.

CALIFORNIA:

Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

(or Dani California by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

or Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

or Hollywood by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Rolling Stone: California Love by Dr. Dre & Tupac

It would be more apropos for me to discuss Chili Pepper songs NOT about California.

COLORADO: (tie)

Rocky Mountain High by John Denver

South Park Theme by Primus

Rolling Stone: Rocky Mountain Way by Joe Walsh

I was really torn due to generational differences, I felt that way about a few states. Even though I like Joe Walsh, I wasn't torn about his song.

CONNECTICUT:

Again, I got nothing.

Rolling Stone: Laser Show by Fountains of Wayne

DELAWARE:

Maybe I'm not so good at this game.

Rolling Stone: Delaware Slide by George Thorogood and the Destroyers

FLORIDA:

Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffett

Rolling Stone: American Girl by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

"Margaritaville" is in the islands along Key West, right? The internet keeps saying Margaritaville isn't a real place, it's a rhetorical getaway.

GEORGIA:

The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Vicki Lawrence

Rolling Stone: Atliens by Outkast

Vicki Lawrence wrote one of the best "story songs" of all time.

HAWAII:

The iconic Theme of Hawaii Five-0

Rolling Stone: Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World/Israel ‘IZ’ by Kamakawiwo‘ole,

Rolling Stone was reaching.

IDAHO:

Private Idaho by the B-52's

Rolling Stone: Twin Falls by Built to Spill

How was this not a slam dunk for the B-52's?

ILLINOIS:

The Night Chicago Died by Paper Lace

Rolling Stone: Chicago by Sufjan Stevens

In the heat of a summer night

In the land of the dollar bill

When the town of Chicago died

And they talk about it still...

See, you're singing the Paper Lace song in your head right now.

INDIANA:

Small Town by John Cougar Mellencamp

Rolling Stone: Goin' Back to Indiana by the Jackson 5

Again, John Cougar Mellencamp bleeds Indiana Red.

IOWA:

Iowa by Slipknot

Rolling Stone: Iowa by Slipknot

Ding, ding, ding, we finally have a match. Tell the audience what they've won.

KANSAS:

Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes

Rolling Stone: Two Week Vacation by the Embarrassment

C'mon now, I'M GOING TO WICHITA is one of the most iconic lines ever.

KENTUCKY:

Kentucky Rain by Elvis

Rolling Stone: Coal Miner's Daughter by Loretta Lynn

Actually, you could have flipped a coin here.

LOUISANA:

Born on the Bayou by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Rolling Stone: Hey, Pocky A-Way by the Meters

Formed in 1965, apparently the Meters are still around. Maybe Rolling Stone gave bonus points for longevity?

MAINE:

Pet Sematary by the Ramones

Rolling Stone: Going to Maine by the Mountain Goats

Where do you think the Pet Sematary in the movie was from? Obviously Maine.

MARYLAND:

Good Morning Baltimore from the movie Hairspray Rolling Stone: Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac

I thought Silver Springs was in Nevada?

MASSACHUSETTES:

Rock and Roll Band by Boston

Rolling Stone: Roadrunner by the Modern Lovers

There are at least TEN other songs I thought of before the Modern Lovers.

MICHIGAN: (tie)

Detroit Rock City by KISS

Lake Michigan by Rogue Wave

Rolling Stone: Dancing in the Streets by Martha and the Vandellas

I was so torn, because Lake Michigan is technically only HALF in Michigan.

MINNESOTA:

Purple Rain by Prince

Rolling Stone: Purple Rain by Prince

If we were on Family Feud, this guess would probably come up 99 out of a 100 times.

MISSISSIPPI:

Mississippi Queen by Mountain

Rolling Stone: Cross Road Blues by Robert Johnson

Super simple answer, you know what I mean?

MISSOURI:

Kansas City by Wilbert Harrison

Rolling Stone: Country Grammar by Nelly

That Nelly video has over 100 million hits, maybe I'm wrong about Kansas City, but The Beatles and James Brown seemed to like it.

MONTANA:

I got nothing...

Rolling Stone: Big City by Merle Haggard

[This is a real reach that I looked up way after the fact - Man (The theme of the Unibomber Documentary) by The Worst]

NEBRASKA:

Nebraska by Bruce Springsteen

Rolling Stone: Land Locked Blues by Bright Eyes

Since when did Rolling Stone NOT love Bruce Springsteen

NEVADA:

Viva Las Vegas by the Dead Kennedys

Rolling Stone: Viva Las Vegas by Elvis

The Dead Kennedys version captures the Fear and Loathing vibe of Nevada much better.

NEW HAMPSHIRE:

The Theme to the In the Mouth of Madness movie.

Rolling Stone: Down Down the Deep River by Okkervil River

You think that was hard? Wait 'til we get to Vermont.

NEW JERSEY:

Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen

Rolling Stone: 4th of July, Asbury Park by Bruce Springsteen

Pretty sure Born to Run is the universal theme for New Jersey. If you said any song by Bon Jovi, you are deducted five points from our imaginary scoreboard.

NEW MEXICO:

Albuquerque by Weird Al Yankovic

Rolling Stone: Albuquerque by Neil Young

Same city, MUCH DIFFERENT VIBE.

NEW YORK: New York, New York by Frank Sinatra

Rolling Stone: New York State of Mind by Billy Joel

I felt bad here. After I guessed Sinatra, Jay Z, the Beastie Boys, and Public Enemy all came to mind.

NORTH CAROLINA:

Indian Reservation by Paul Revere and the Raiders

Rolling Stone: Raise Up by Petey Pablo

This was a hard one. In my head, the Cherokee lived on the East Coast of American before they were forcibly relocated to Oklahoma. But the exact borders of the Cherokee Nation at the birth of America were vague.

NORTH DAKOTA:

The Fargo Theme composed by Carter Burwell

Rolling Stone: N Dakota by Parquet Courts

Let's keep moving...

OHIO:

My City Was Gone by the Pretenders

Rolling Stone: My City Was Gone by the Pretenders

If we agree, what are we doing here? According to Rolling Stone: "But this sad story has a happy ending. (Chrissie) Hynde moved back to Akron and has become a local business owner and civic booster."

Uh, that's not true at all. Hynde posted some pictures on social media that she came back to the Akron area a few times to visit, but she is still very happy.... living in London, England.

OKLAHOMA:

Oklahoma City Alarm Clock by the Fixtures

Rolling Stone: Tulsa Time by Don Williams

Oklahoma City Alarm Clock is one of the best punk songs ever written. I think the subject matter kept it from being more popular.

OREGON:

Night of the Living Rednecks by the Dead Kennedys

Rolling Stone: Rose Parade by Elliott Smith

Jello Biafra's story about the last time he was in Portland was EPIC.

PENNSYLVANIA:

Philadelphia Freedom by Elton John

Rolling Stone: Freedom of 76 by Ween

Ween? Philadelphia Freedom is like Americana, even if Elton John is from Great Britain.

RHODE ISLAND:

The Family Guy Theme song

Rolling Stone: The Last Great American Dynasty by Taylor Swift

This response was probably split based on if you're a boy or a girl.

SOUTH CAROLINA:

Nothin'

Rolling Stone: Hickory Wind by the Byrds

Maybe I should give Rolling Stone some credit? I'll teach your grandma to suck eggs.

SOUTH DAKOTA:

Badlands by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Rolling Stone: Rapid City, South Dakota by Dwight Yoakam

The beginning of Badlands ain't that great, but I love the instrumental at the end.

TENNESSEE:

Rocky Top by the Osbourne Brothers

Rolling Stone: Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton

Am I missing something here?

TEXAS:

It Was There (That I Saw You) by the Trail of Dead

Rolling Stone: Texas Hold 'Em by Beyonce

I double checked, the Trail of Dead song is about a girl that the lead singer saw at an Austin Bar.

UTAH:

Morning Side of the Mountain by Donnie and Marie

Rolling Stone: The Beehive State by Randy Newman

Never been to Utah, hopefully these songs really aren't representative of the state.

VERMONT:

Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!

Rolling Stone: Stick Season by Noah Kahan

Alright, we're limping toward the finish line.

VIRGINIA:

Fuck This Place by GWAR

Rolling Stone: Virginia by Clipse

Is GWAR singing about their hometown? They're singing about everyone's hometown.

WASHINGTON:

Posse on Broadway by Sir Mix-a-Lot

Rolling Stone: Sliver by Nirvana

Kurt Cobain absorbed his surroundings, Sir Mix-a-Lot projected himself onto his surroundings.

WEST VIRGINIA:

Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver

Rolling Stone: Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver

One of the few easy matches.

WISCONSIN:

The That 70's Show Theme

Rolling Stone: Minnesota, Wisconsin by Bon Iver

Just like your high school friend group, sometimes those friends go astray when they leave home, both in real, and fictional, Wisconsin.

WYOMING: Dick Cheney Shot Me in the Face by Isto

Rolling Stone: Cheyenne Sunrise by The Hold Steady

Not sure if Isto turned this into a career.

Alright, what's your tally?

I guarantee you, despite my non-answers and obscure fair, you still matched with ME more than Rolling Stone.

If you’re a true news junkie, Whatfinger News is your fix—more news, more sources, and zero Big Tech censorship.

Because I live in Cleveland, Ohio, I get one bonus pick. I love the Drew Carey Theme, but the song that captures my hometown today is Mr. Gnome's Cleveland Polka: