Now don't get me wrong, something between Vladimir Putin and Yevgeny Prigozhin stinks to high heaven. Where's Putin? No one knows. Where's Prigozhin? No one knows.
Why (didn't) Putin just drop a missile at Prigozhin's Feet already?
That's the question of the day...
Look at that time stamp on the CNN Headlines 1:39 PM (Saturday) - Beacon of Speech: Russian History in Real Time Part III
But Libertarian Spike Cohen has a nonsensical theory that, if true, would mean that` Putin and Prigozhin were both Einstein level geniuses-
-which they're not.
Here's the direct cut and paste quote from Cohen for those with poor eye sight:
"He amasses a huge militia over the years, helping his sponsor country in multiple conflicts around the globe.
He helps his sponsor country invade another country, and his troops are often the most effective part of the war effort.
Over time, tensions grow between him and the sponsor country's military leadership, and he accuses them of screwing up the war and leaving him and his troops to clean up their mess.
Eventually, he strikes a deal with an enemy country for...let's say $6.2 billion to turn on his sponsor.
He accuses his sponsor of double-crossing him and killing many of his troops, starts a mutiny and takes over the control center for the war effort.
He closes on the deal with the enemy and receives the money once his troops approach the sponsor's capital.
Then out of nowhere, he cancels the whole thing once he has the money in hand, and brings his troops back to the frontline.
And in a shocking twist that no one saw coming, it turns out that the leadership of the sponsor country was in on it with him all along.
Now they've got billions more for the war effort, the enemy is caught flat-footed, and he gets to keep a decent share of the money for himself.
The biggest writing challenge, of course, will be to convince the audience that the enemy country's intelligence agencies would be gullible enough to strike such a deal.
Even before Russia's invasion of Ukraine, Vladimir Putin was worth, upwards, of $200 billion.
At first, I read the theory and laughed to myself, I've seen this episode of Rick and Morty before. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I am just a schlub on the internet, I barely know history from hyperbole. But if Cohen is being serious, he may have come up with the most absurd conspiracy theory I have ever read.
Now let's be clear, we live in America. I have free speech and Spike Cohen has free speech. If he was just throwing out his hypothesis to be a provocateur, because no one really knows what's going on, that is more than fair. Cohen's opinion would simply be that of a literary artist.
An Eastern European reboot of Oceans 11, if you will:
Again, if Cohen is being serious, I cannot vote for him in 2024. Cohen is not just anyone making noise on the internet, he is a Presidential Candidate. He can't seriously think that Putin and Prigozhin's long term war-grift was skimming a couple of billion dollars from the United States, can he?
Maybe you could convince me that Prigozhin would do that, he's a mercenary, that's the very definition of what they do. But Putin? Why would he risk $200 billion for $6 billion. Even for the most aggressive of gamblers, that's a bad bet.
If Biden said what Cohen said, Fox News would go nuclear.
If Trump said what Cohen said, CNN's collective talking heads' skin would melt from their skulls.
Let's talk about old age for a minute.
Joe Biden is 80.
Donald Trump is 77.
Vladimir Putin is 70.
One of the funniest SNL skits I ever saw was back in 1986, when the late Phil Hartman played Ronald Reagan against type as an involved mastermind. In real life, Reagan was 82 and his folksy whispers may have been masking Alzheimer's.
At this stage in the game, none of the 3 leaders mentioned above are running the long con. The difference between them is this:
In America, the Constitution protects the citizens in the United States.
If you think Joe Biden is too old, which he is, don't vote for him.
If you think Donald Trump is too old, which he is, don't vote for him.
(Editor's Note: If you think Spike Cohen is not a leader, but incendiary, which he is, don't vote for him.)
In Russia, you are screwed.
You could get paranoid, dementia riddled Putin and there's nothing you could do about it. If Putin has the 'right' people around him, he could be propped up for years like a potted fern. Which returns us to Cohen's Theory. Why would Putin risk looking weak and face public embarrassment when he has already amassed more money than any other person on the planet?
He wouldn't. Not when he could go out like his hero Stalin, surrounded by yes men and sycophants, afraid to even look at Putin's shadow.
I believe Putin miscalculated in regards to Prigozhin, but I have been wrong about Putin before.
(Editor's Note II: And Spike Cohen has been wrong about Putin before, too.)
Addendum: One Day Later
Editor's Note III: As soon as we put this article to bed, I came across a post for Cohen at the Lorain County Libertarian Page. Cohen was coherent, on-point, and dialed in. So with that, Beacon of Speech wholehearted endorses Spike Cohen....
As the next Mayor of Elyria, Ohio.
Mayor of an impoverished Midwestern town is his ceiling.