top of page
  • Writer's pictureFred

That Chinese Balloon is Really Pissing Me Off

Updated: Feb 6, 2023




All over the internet today, the news of the Chinese Spy Balloon has set off an avalanche of conjecture:



No, no, no, China says it's just a "wayward" weather balloon.


That's what they're going with?


China is just fucking with us. Period. Instead of speculating on why, fuck with them.


  1. Send a boat 12 nautical miles off the coast of China, the edge of international waters, and drop anchor. Then broadcast Chinese morse code, over and over: Xi has a pet turtle. If the Chinese ask if we're the ones broadcasting the mysterious message, say something clever, like, "what's morse code?"

  2. Have President Biden give a generic speech about China, but litter the speech with the Number 4. Reference the Number 4 every other sentence, maybe utter the reference 40 or 50 times. Have Biden give the speech on April 4th.

  3. Gift President Xi Jinping a giant clock. The more public and extravagant the clock, the better.

  4. Hack all vulnerable Chinese computer systems and load their systems with doctored pictures of Xi Jinping wearing an unkempt mustache. No messages, just the picture.

  5. Hack all vulnerable Chinese computer systems and load their systems with simple photos of children playing with brooms.

Every time the Chinese whine and complain, just act stupider and stupider. Use quotes like "we don't sit around trying to subtly agitate the Chinese government," while we keep coming up with petty ways to agitate the Chinese government.


Do things that, even if you're caught doing them, wouldn't cause an international rebuke.


Why? There is something particularly galling about Xi's arrogance.


































Addendum 2-6-23: Pravda: A Harmless Weather Balloon Marked the Slide of China and the United States to War




408 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comentarios


bottom of page