The Practical Logistics of Jesus Returning
- Fred
- 42 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Christ has Died, Christ is Risen, Christ will Come Again.
According to AI, "that is the core summary of Christianity."
But all day today I was obsessed with the logistics of Jesus actually returning.
.Question 1: How does Jesus get here? Say Jesus floats down from heaven, as soon as he gets a couple of hundred feet from the Earth, if he returns anywhere in the First World, people are already recording that on their cell phones. By the time his feet hit the ground, there's a mob around him like he just scored a goal in the World Cup. That video hits social media and has 500 million hits in 24 hours. I assume Jesus would put it on stealth mode, but who knows, maybe he wants a grand entrance? Or does Jesus just open an interdimensional portal and walk through it, like in Rick and Morty?
Question 2: Where does Jesus go? There are 8 billion people in this world, does Jesus go somewhere and preach to the choir? Or does he go somewhere where there's a high population density, but very few Christians. Somewhere like China or India? Historians, more or less, agree that when Jesus died, the first time around, the population of the planet was around 250 million. Big difference between a couple of thousand people alive knowing about you versus BILLIONS who will want to meet you. No matter where Jesus goes to start, the first question will be: Why there?
Question 3: Who is Jesus' go-to guy? Do you really think that Jesus is coming back and heading right to the Vatican? No offense to the new pope, but I don't think that's happening. If you think Jesus is coming back and knocking on Elon Musk's door first, you are on crack. Jesus is going to need a manager, good luck being Jesus' handler.
Question 4: Does Jesus embrace technology? If Jesus came back and embraced technology, he could get his message to the very ends of the Earth within a week or so. Would that be the aim though? Would he condemn technology while his words spread on technology?
Question 5: Does Jesus focus on healing, or on preaching? Listen, there are only 24 hours in a day. If Jesus says he'll heal all comers, people will go on pilgrimages to see him from all over the world. Does Jesus work 9-5, healing the miles-long lines asking for Jesus to cure their diseases? There are currently 50 million people on Earth living with cancer, I bet most would drain their bank accounts for an audience with Jesus. If he spends all his time healing the sick, when would he have time for proselytizing?
Question 6: Does Jesus pick a "correct religion?" We appreciate the positive aspects of all religions, but the return of Jesus would make some religions (you know which ones) almost immediately obsolete. What if Jesus said the closest religion to his teaching was Lutheranism. Does the Pope say "damn, Martin Luther was on our team, and we let him get away. Oh well, time to lock the doors, close up shop, and give the money to the poor."
Question 7: Does Jesus "live out his life?" You just assume that Jesus would pick up where he left off. If he comes back as a man in his 30's, he could, potentially, live another 50 years. Would the world eventually tire of 50 more years of Jesus? Would some psychopath try to assassinate Jesus? Just because we're Christians, doesn't mean an Anti-Jesus movement wouldn't Spring up from debunked religions or from the non-religious.
There's a book in the Bible that covers all of this? Yes, I am aware of the Book of Revelations.
What they described at the end of the Bible ain't happening. If you put me on the spot and asked my opinion of as to where Jesus would return, I would say somewhere that's deeply faithful, but hard to access, like Manaus, Brazil.
Do you think Jesus is going home, then starting a World Tour like a Rock Star? That ain't happening, either. He's not going to Israel, then stopping at Netanyahu's home, then jetting to the White House and holding court with Donald Trump while meeting with billionaires such as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, or Bill Gates. Jesus works from the bottom up, not from the top down.
If Jesus returns, I think it would be sooner than later. What's my rational? The singularity is between 1 and 20 years away. I am convinced disclosure day will be here within 50 years. Within a century, society will inherently change, with the possibility of religion being left behind entirely after technological advances.
And, this is just a reminder, Jesus loves you, but the God of the Old Testament is an angry and vengeful God. Do you think Jesus is coming back to say "good job everyone," or do you his return would be a warning "Listen folks, God is really peeved."
I want to be perfectly clear, I welcome Jesus' return. It would clear up a lot of shit down here on Earth.
You say I'm too glib for a topic so serious?
You haven't read many Beacon of Speech articles, have you?
Bonus Meme:
You disagree with absolutely everything I just said?
Free Speech, Bitches!
Happy 250th Birthday to America!!!
If Jesus returned tomorrow, would he be happy with the American Experiment?
Oh, absolutely not. I think Jesus would avoid America like the plague.