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Creepy Ol' Bastards (NFL Version)


I'm not sure if this is a commentary on men...or on women.

So I was reading the Daily Mail UK, my secret shame, and it had a story about Robert Kraft maybe having a love child at age 76. I could have sworn I just read an article about Jerry Richardson being a creepy ol' bastard. (I did.) Since Hypocrite Roger Goodell is all about a code of conduct for the players, but not so much for management, I was wondering aloud, are all the NFL owners creepy old men?

AFC East

Patriots - Owner Robert Kraft, age 76. Later in the day Kraft was forced to respond "I'm Not the Daddy" of 38 year old girlfriend's child.

Bills - Owner Terrence Pegula. Married to a woman 20 years his junior, but they seem to be the next generation of owners. Terrence and Kim Pegula are co-owners.

Dolphins - Owner Stephan M. Ross, age 77. Married to a woman 25 years his junior.

Jets - Owner Woody Johnson, age 70. Married to a woman... I can't find her age, but she's actress Suzanne Ircha. If she was in the movie Pontiac Moon in 1994, and she was in her mid-twenties, that would make her around 45-50 today.

AFC West

Chiefs - Owner Clark Hunt inherited the team from previous owner Lamar Hunt.

Chargers - Owner Dean Spanos inherited the team from previous owner Alex Spanos.

Raiders - Owners Mark Davis and Carol Davis inherited the team from previous owner Al Davis.

Broncos - Owner Pat Bowlen has Alzheimer's Disease.

AFC North

Steelers - Owner Art Rooney II inherited the team from previous owner Dan Rooney.

Ravens - Owner Steve Bisciotti bought the team from Art Model.

Bengals - Owners Mike and Nancy Brown have been married for many, many, many years.

Browns - Owners Jimmy and Dee Haslam have been married for many years.

AFC South

Jaguars - Owner Shahid Khan has been married for many years.

Titans - Amy Adams Strunk inherited the team from previous owner Bud Adams.

Colts - Owner Jim Irsay, age 58- Ewww.

There's the mess with a mistress, a love shack, and an overdose.

The first look at the association between Jim Irsay and Kimberly Wundrum

Texans - Owner Robert McNair has been married for many, many years.

NFC East

Eagles - Owner Jeffrey Lurie, age 66. Married to a woman 20 years his junior.

Cowboys - Owner Jerry Jones. He has been married many years, but I may have to revise this entry. Google Jerry Jones likes to party and lots of [unverified stories and insinuations] came up.

Redskins - Owner Dan Snyder bought the team from Jack Kent Cooke.

Jack Kent Cooke is the Creepy Ol' Bastard I remember from my youth.

Giants - John Mara? No.

Steve Tisch, age 69? Yes! He recently divorced his trophy wife 20 years his junior.

NFC West

Rams - Stan Kroenke? We just don't like 'em. [Ranking the NFL Owners as Bond Villians.]

Seahawks - Paul Allen? Not married. No kids. Reclusive. No money in the Beacon of Speech coffers to even SPECULATE about his personal life.

Cardinals - The Cardinals are transitioning from Bill Bidwill to Micheal Bidwill.

49'ers - Denise DeBartolo York bought out brother Eddie DeBartolo Jr. in 2000.

NFC South

Saints - Owner Tom Benson, age 90. Third wife Gayle Benson is 25 years his junior.

Panthers - Owner Jerry Richardson, age 81, is actively trying to sell the Panthers after sexual harassment settlements in the Panthers organization became public.

Falcons - Owner Arthur Blank, age 75. Married to Angela Blank just this past year, 25 years his junior.

Buccaneers - The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were owned by Malcom Glazer until his death in 2014. The team is now owned by the "family."

NFC North

Vikings - Owner Zygi Wilf has been married for many years.

Packers - The people of Wisconsin own the Packers. They are the only publicly owned team in the NFL.

Bears - The owner of the Chicago Bears is 95 year old Virginia Halas McCaskey. She inherited the team from her father, Hall of Famer George Halas in 1983.

Lions - The owner of the Detroit Lions is 92 year old Martha Firestone Ford. Her husband William Clay Ford Sr. was the owner of the Lions and passed away a few years back. William Clay Ford Sr. was the last living grandchild of Henry Ford, who died in 1947.

Creepy Ol' Bastards in Bold

(Either 65+ in age with significantly younger wife or misconduct issues.)

Yeah, my mistake, not all the owners... ONLY ABOUT HALF OF THE MALE OWNERS.

Firestone-Ford, for example, is one of many female owners or co-owners. The others include Halas-McCaskey (Chicago Bears), Kim Pegula (Buffalo Bills), Carol Davis (Oakland Raiders), Amy Adams Strunk (Tennessee Titans), and Denise DeBartolo York (San Francisco 49ers.) Again, who owns the team is sometimes a murky line. In the cases of Bowlen and Benson, due to sensitive health issues, we'll just keep moving....

Now just because the original owner's kids aren't creepy old men, with a billion dollars burning holes in their pockets, just give them a decade or two....

...and, just because you've been married a long time, don't think we don't know what's going on with some of you.


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