How to Become Famous in America

Step 1: Come Up With A Wildly Insane and Untrue Theory. A theory that only the chronically unemployed or conspiracy theorists will believe.

Example: Bill Clinton's Secret Identical Twin Brother is running an underground pedophile ring along train routes between Boston and New York City. All the money collected is from undocumented, underaged immigrants and funneled to the Clinton Foundation (gasp)....ALSO COINCIDENTALLY LOCATED IN NEW YORK CITY! Promote that idea like it's the gospel truth and talk down to people who don't believe it.

Make sure you use a lot of attention-getting buzzwords.

Step 2: Pledge Your Undying Loyalty to Donald Trump: As you run around America spouting your

cockamemie ideas, you scream at the top of your lungs that Trump is a genius and you wear a red hat at photo-ops. The American Press will turn you into a Marilyn Manson-like villain while Donald Trump personally thanks you for your support. You are now semi-famous, for all the wrong reasons.

Step 3: Perform a Complete 180 and Renounce Donald Trump: Once your popularity plateaus, and you have squeezed all that juice from the Trump Lemon, go back to the press and repent. Swear that you never liked Trump at all. He deceived you and he's a secret Nazi, Womanizing, Satanist.

The American Press will lap that shit up and your name will be on the lips of every American Media Outlet. You will cash in on your newfound popularity with a coast to coast press tour, maybe even making a pit stop on The View.

But you know what? At the end of the day, it was never about Donald Trump at all, it was about using him for personal gain.

There, now you're officially famous.

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Why did I write this article?

No reason.

I

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