Just Buy Dyson Vacuums

When my wife and I moved in together, we got a vacuum with a replaceable bag. I don't even remember the brand. Within one year, we killed that vacuum, it was crap.

Then it happened a second time, then a third time. Each time, an off brand, cheap vacuum broke within a year.

At one point, I told my wife "let's just get the most expensive vacuum there is, if it lasts 3 years, it's a win." We bought a Dyson and it lasted 15 years. Best money we ever spent. The model was very similar to the one below.

Then we bought a second Dyson, and that lived another 6 years.

Inexplicably, last year, when that second Dyson died, my wife said "let's try a Bissell, I heard they've closed the gap.

Wrong. Our new Bissell crapped out in under 6 months. Arguably the most reliable thing we've ever bought as Middle Class Americans was that first Dyson Vacuum.

All I do is whine about this or that, but today, after buying a THIRD new part for our shitty Bissell, I wish I had a time machine to go back and hug that first Yellow Dyson.

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That's it. No words of wisdom. The well is dry. We'll try harder tomorrow.

If I really had a time machine, I wouldn't hug a vacuum, I would go back to 1992 and catch Alice Donut live supporting their Untidy Suicides album.

Yeah, I'd probably just waste my time (machine).