top of page
  • Writer's pictureFred

The Coke Freestyle Machine and the Decline of American Excellence

During the 1880's, the most popular drink in America was alcohol. I don't even have to cite the statement, it is common knowledge. Coca-Cola was conceived as a temperance drink with its selling points being Sugar, Water, Caffeine....and Cocaine.

Due to the problematic aspect of cocaine, the ingredient was de-emphasized and phased out of production by 1903. Within a century, with a simple marketing strategy of mixing sugar, water, and caffeine, Coca-Cola has become the most consumed soft drink in the world.

Then, in 2009, Coke introduced the Coke Freestyle Machine.....

Not only did it give you every flavor of Coke you could ever dream of, it gave you over 100 overall choices. When the Coke Machine rolled out, Pepsi quickly announced their version, the Pepsi Spire. I have never seen a Spire Machine in real life.

Here's the ruse though, when the Coke Machine rolled out, I was positive it was the next generation of soda consumption. After a decade or so, I have noticed the Coke Machines are slowly going away.

Last week, my family ate lunch at the Avon Wendy's. All I wanted was juice, it was 95 degrees out. I went to the Coke Machine and said to my wife "didn't they used to have 2 Coke Machines here?"

She retorted, "just get your stupid juice." I hit the button, and all but 3 options disappeared. The Coke Machine, with over 100 choices, said I could get Coke, Diet Coke, or Dr. Pepper. And that was it.

I mumbled to my wife "they only have Coke."

"I don't know what to tell you..."

She didn't care. The last time I went to 5 Guys, they had 2 Coke Machines and one was broken and other one had half the options. The last time I went to Burger King, they had removed their Coke Machine and reinstalled their Fountain Machine.

The last time I went to Moe's, the MoeRita button wasn't working. I had to find the blank spot on the screen where I THOUGHT the MoeRita button was...

Waaahhhh. Poor Fred Hunt and his first world problems. He can't feed his addiction to sugar and his march to diabetes-

Listen, you're missing the point. Let me use my TV as a different example. When I was a kid, you grabbed the remote, turned on the TV, and sat down. You had probably 6-8 choices of what you could watch (before cable TV.) Today, instead of turning on the TV, I have to enter a 6 digit code to "unlock" the TV. Because teenagers have spilled soda on the $50 XBox remote, the buttons only "mostly" work. They burn through batteries so fast, about a quarter of the time I have to buy batteries before I can watch TV. Once I turn on the TV, I literally have a million choices. Well, I have about 20-25 "free" choices. Of those choices, probably 6-8 are new content. Basically network TV coupled with our streaming options.

And then I have to remember to only use our flat streaming packages and not be tempted by the pay-per-view options within our paid streaming package.

Maybe I should quit whining and just settle for over-the-air TV only? Our antenna receives about half of the possible over-the-air channels in our area at any given time. If we want to watch Fox or CBS, we have to stretch the antenna wire across the dining room table and prop it up in the window, like it's 1976---

Editor's Note: Ugggh.....

I am writing this article on a used school computer and the article just dropped and then had to be reloaded for the 7th time, not sure if it's the computer or Wix.

Our "state of the art" cell phones only work in certain sections of the house. We live in suburban Cleveland, for goodness' sake, We don't live in the Badlands of South Dakota.

<huff puff>

Did I mention that the downstairs computer keeps dumping our attempts to reboot the YouTube version of Beacon of Speech?

Editor's Note II: Ugggh....

Wix just dropped for the article for the 11th time.

Maybe if I just spent more money on equipment. You mean for Beacon of Speech, or for my home entertainment options, you ask? I don't know, how much money is too much, how much is normal. I can't figure out if I'm doing things wrong or if things just don't work.

All I really want is a Minute Maid Cherry Limeade.


I can't focus, I'm so tired of working on this stupid article. You -

<huff puff>

I swear to God, if I get the technical warning issue one more time, I'm going to chuck this f*&^ing computer right out the window and into the yard.

We are 2 decades into the the 21st Century, things should just work. If you're rich, you just pay the poor to do your tech support. I ain't rich. I don't want to spend my off day fighting to get Wix's attention. Side note, what kind of horrible content do you think the bottom wrung grunts at Facebook and Google have to wade through on a daily basis? Wix Support should be grateful that I'm just having simple connectivity issues.

Maybe I should just drink water, meditate, and take a long walk outside.



Everything is working.

Where were we? I was just going to-

43 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page