Congratulations to Beyoncé for making a crappy country song.
Nothing personal against her, but here's the 10 Top Country songs today, according to Shazam:
Texas Hold 'Em by Beyoncé - Crap.
I Remember Everything by Zach Bryan - Uggh. A classic country feel. Not classic country.
23 by Chyce Beckham - Meh.
Save Me by Jelly Roll - Thumbs down.
Fast Car by Luke Combs- The original was amazing, gave me the chills. Combs' version? Same as the 1998 remake of Psycho.
Wildflowers and Wild Horses by Lainey Wilson - Yuck.
Thinkin' Bout Me by Morgan Wallen - Thumbs way down.
Pretty Little Poison by Warren Zeiders - Craptacular.
Where the Wild Things Are by Luke Combs - Craptastic.
Truck Bed by HARDY - Crapola. Not a good song, but the closest thing to a good song on the list.
I just have a few questions for Beyoncé:
Why? You've already sold a quarter of a billion units worldwide. Are you looking for new fans outside of the well-established Beyoncé Brand?
We have been very clear from the start of the blog.
WE. HATE. COUNTRY. MUSIC.
Then what are we really doing here? At the Huffington Post, Ruth Etiesit Samuel did a pile of drugs and wrote this: Allow Beyoncé To Remind You Where Country Really Came From.
That was the wokest piece of fan fiction I have ever read. Curtis Wong at the Huffington Post added: Texas Hold 'Em is a Certified Smash, Despite Conservative Pushback. Of course...
At the USA Today: Beyoncé Broke the Internet----
STOP!
You think I'm just an angry old man? I am. But all my old man peers listen to country and love it.
Just because you COULD make a country song, doesn't mean you SHOULD make a country song.
Last week we wrote about Beyoncé Inc. Her previous album, Renaissance, which won 4 Grammys and was nominated for Album of the Year (but lost,) had 16 Songs, over 100 Writers, and almost 75 Producers.
If I had a billion dollars, 100 writers, and almost 75 producers, could I supervise a crappy country album? I sure could, BUT WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO?
You know what I could do right now? I could manage my diet and hold my bowels for a few days and really come up with a spectacular turd. I could go out in the front yard and shit it out for all the neighbors to behold. That's the process of making a country album.
The last country song that I absolutely loved?
Probably Slim Cessna's Auto Club's Port Authority Band released in 2004.
The last country song that I actively sought out?
Man is this a stretch, but there's a banjo in this industrial song. There is a TINGE of country here, which is about all the country that I usually tolerate.