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  • Writer's pictureFred

6 Kinds of People That God Cannot Save

The Facebook Algorithm is a confusing thing. Even though Facebook has turned into a low rent strip mall with ads plastered on every window, every 20 Reelz or so, there is something that shows up on my feed that is so inexplicable compared to my preferences, it stops me in my tracks.


Last week, it was the AI Generated 6 Kinds of People God Cannot Save. Now, technically, the Protestant God says everyone gets saved if they simply accept Jesus into their lives. And, also, the Catholic God says you're all going to hell if you don't listen to the Pope, who, of course, preaches the opposite gospel as the Pope that threatened to send you all to hell a century ago.


But I digress.


Here's the list:

The Self Righteous

Am I in trouble? I think I'm okay, I'm pretty humble for a guy with a blog. Luckily Its lack of success keeps me grounded.


Unbelievers

Am I in trouble? Usually most men find their beliefs strengthening with age. My beliefs seem to be waning. At least, in my case, it's not because of the aliens.


Hypocrites

Am I in trouble? I don't think most hypocrites see their own hypocrisy. But I think I'm okay here.


Blasphemers

Am I in trouble? HUGE trouble. I made a movie called Blasphemers. No, really, I did. It's on YouTube.


The Dead

Am I in trouble? I was confused by this one and had to look it up. Apparently it is a waste of time to pray for the dead. The dead are either in heaven or hell, your prayers won't move their eternal destinations. Since I'm alive, at least as of this moment, I guess I'm not dead?


The Apostates

Am I in trouble? Not many modern figures proclaim themselves as apostates. I certainly wouldn't consider myself one. But I may be in minor trouble, I really liked the Austerity Program's album Backsliders and Apostates Will Burn. I especially enjoyed Song 26:



Why am I so glib? Especially considering the seriousness of the subject matter?


Jesus was born some time between the years 5 B.C. and 4 A.D. Most historians agree that he died on April 3, 33 A. D. During his lifetime, Jesus spoke Aramaic.


There is not one word in the Bible written by Jesus' hand. The Bible was written in Greek and translated into Latin around the year 400 A.D. In the year 1611, the Bible was translated into English. The King James Version is still used by many modern Christians.


So AI Bible Tales kind of runs 2,000 years of doctrine through a metaphorical strainer. Jesus' original message had already been warped by time and multiple translations before AI got its grubby hands on it.



And worshiping a God based on an AI generated, non-denominational Preacher seems kind of dodgy, doesn't it?



Unfortunately, AI Jesus is at the mercy of the person doing the data entry.


We tried to re-create Jesus' message in AI Image form:

American Jesus - Guns, Money and Success



Uh, I think I'm in trouble.

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2 Comments


Arnold
May 28

Huh? I can’t really discern if the writer is mocking or defending Christianity here. My take is he is mocking. The Bible is a message platform about principal and morals. It is a required study guide to help us graduate the course we have chosen- IF we have chosen the right one. It uses generalizations and stories from thousands of years ago to illustrate its lessons we can all transpose into modern speech if need be. When you are lost at sea and see a lighthouse you steer towards it without question. You don’t try to discern if the lighthouse was built to code or not. You head toward the light because your common sense ( your spirit) tells y…

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Aaron S
Aaron S
May 28

How does he have 5 fingers and then a thumb pointing at us?

Is that lizzid peepul jeebus?

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