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Don't You Have a Back (and Ankle) Injury? Part IV

The Daily Mail is reporting Tiger Woods might not play golf for a year due to an ankle injury.

I want to be clear, we are not fans of Tiger Woods here at Beacon of Speech. Nothing personal, but here's a list of our favorite golfers:

  1. None

  2. None

  3. None

  4. None

  5. None

Tiger Woods is another celebrity that begs for his privacy while constantly jumping back into the limelight. That's because his best sport is plowing skanks and he doesn't appreciate an audience for that.


Why the snide remarks? Because I don't care about golf. It should be in the same category as darts or bocce ball. Just like I have no idea who the best bocce ball player in the world is, I shouldn't know who the world's best golfer is either. It irks me to no end when Tiger cries "leave me alone," then shows up on the golf course hobblin' around like a crippled senior citizen. He is a billionaire, he can disappear any time he wants to.


The problem is, he doesn't want to disappear, he just doesn't like the trappings of fame. (Translation: The Fans.)


Synopsis of Part I: Golf isn't a sport, play through that "back injury."

Synopsis of Part II: Golf isn't a sport, get over yourself.

Synopsis of Part III: Golf isn't a sport, you should probably focus on your driving skills.


At this year's Master's, 87 year old Gary Player was again an honorary starter. Player complained about the the poor way that the Master's treated him to Sports Illustrated.


2 brief comments:

  1. What sport can you still play competitively at 87? None. Golf isn't a sport.

  2. Fans were worried that this year might be Tiger's last Master's? Tiger is never going away. They're going to trot Tiger out into his 90's as an honorary starter.

Why so surly? Tiger complaining about the pitfalls of being the World's Best Golfer is about as tactful as complaining about being the Prince of England-


Dammit, I'm done with that guy too....



 

During the week, I had to drive around a private golf club at work. The golf course was beautiful, arguably one of the most beautiful in Ohio.



But let me be clear, the course is nothing but a lure for the million dollar houses that line its perimeter. The private golf course is the crown jewel of a private, over-priced neighborhood.


How do I figure? Let's take a peak behind the curtain. Yours truly lives in an average middle-class neighborhood...that was built in the 1970's. About a mile from Red Tail, my neighborhood is littered with retirees, divorcees, brand new families, and, of course, my family. I think it is more accurate to say that my neighborhood is now lower-middle class.


My backyard is a partial swamp, so wet that we had ducks for a few years and they didn't leave the yard. What's my point? If you take the square footage of my home, it is the same size as one of the smaller homes in Red Tail. My home sits on a quarter acre of land. That's more acreage than some of the homes in Red Tail.


But Red Tail is selling you the back yard Golf Course and Private Club Exclusivity for 5-10 times the price. You get to raise your children next to other rich neighbors. Networking starts at a young age.


Tiger Woods gives the world the appearance that golf is inclusive, that's why he's so beloved. Golf may be inclusive in other parts of the world, but that's not the case in America.


You know how I can prove my theory? Let's use the premise that golf is a sport. If golf is a sport, it wouldn't matter if there was a golf course or a set of basketball courts as the anchor of the development.


So tomorrow, let's start flattening and paving over the golf course and then we'll install the nicest basketball courts in Ohio. 7 days a week, all daylight hours, the squeaking of tennis shoes and the thudding of basketballs. And, to top it all off, we'll open up the courts to all comers as hundreds of teens that look like a young version of Tiger Woods start wandering through the neighborhood, playing multiple games on multiple courts.


What do you mean that would never work?


Please explain to me the difference as to why home values just plummeted.


I are not smart-

Me needs things spelled out-









Yeah, that's what I though.











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